I'm thinking of you as you go, did you make it home?

Is it a time? Is it a place?
Is it a person or a change?
Are you safe on the road you chose?
Did you make it home?
Is it where prayers go when you pray 'em?
Is it the turning of the page?
I'm thinking of you as you go
Did you make it home?

Dearest Erin. It's been a week now processing the loss of you. Knowing you're no longer here is something my brain is having a hard time grasping. I was preparing for the tidal wave of grief that would hit as I was prepping for honouring Sonja's heavenly birthday last week and then got the phone call that you were gone, too. I had been in the shower that very morning screaming the lyrics to this song:

If that cross gets a little too heavy

If one night gets a little too dark

If the demons you've been fighting get the drop on a worn out heart

I ain't saying I can make it all better

But when it feels like it can't get worse

And you're thinking 'bout calling it quits

Call me first

Call me first

You ain't gotta beat around the truth

Never know, I might've been there too

We really ain't gotta say nothing

We ain't gotta know what to do

Make it in the middle of a work day

Call me 'round 2 a.m.

I'd rather hear "sorry I'm calling"

Than to never hearing nothing again

I had no idea that two hours later I'd get a phone call that would have me searching up old texts, going through my hard drives- looking for memories, moments, pieces of you that I could hold onto. Erin you've been part of my life since 2013, part of our Coronation Park Ward family. You looked after my boys in nursery, earnestly serving the sisters in relief society. I got to see you every week from 2013-2019 and I'm recognizing now what a privilege it was to have seeing you every Sunday become such a part of my normal weekly routine. You are radiant, beautiful, kind, gracious, timid, sweet, caring, compassionate, smart, and brave. In 2019 we moved, had Hudson, and then 2020 COVID turned the world upside down for everyone. I am just so grateful that in 2024 we were able to reconnect and that I have memories of you fresh in my mind. 

I'm so sad we never got that walk, and never got to take that trip to the mountains. I had so many questions for you, so many things I wanted to talk to you about. So many things that were on my heart that I knew would be safe in your company. I'm being reminded again and again what a gift time with people is. What a gift it is that as human beings we are little mosaics made up of the influence and attributes of those around us. 

What a gift it was to know you, Erin. You are so important to so many people. Your time here mattered. You will be loved and missed by so many. I can't wait to see you again one day. I hope heaven has mountains, because I want to go on that mountain walk with you and have that heart to heart we didn't get to have from last summer. In the mean time, can you please give Sonja a hug for me? There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you both. You have both taught me to love harder and serve greater. Processing the loss of two friends so close together has given me so much perspective. Thank you for always treating me and my family with kindness. Thank you for helping us renovate our kitchen this past summer, and for helping me clean my house to prep for our home appraisal. Thank you for taking moments out of your earthly journey to show your love to me, even though you were carrying so much. I will hold onto my memories with you and cherish them for the rest of my life. I will never forget you.

My mind for now is going back to this warm summer day when I took these photos of you. I've been feeling grateful more than ever for my camera, and that it has allowed me to document so many people I love who are no longer here with us on this earth. I believe documenting and preserving our memories are so important. The whole point of photographs are the people in them. I will forever be grateful that my camera has provided me some of my most treasured, tangible memories of loved ones no longer with us. I look at these photos and they transport me back to this time, a warm summer day in July of 2019. I will forever remember you like this. Gracious, beautiful and radiant. Rest easy, angel. Until we meet again. 

- Jenny